she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
