She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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