She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
