Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
there is glitter all over my balls
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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