i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
