Michael Bay diarrhea
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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