Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
