Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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