You're my little dorito
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
