he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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