then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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