The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
