If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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