I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
