I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
