Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
