I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
