Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
