just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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