The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
