Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
