So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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