So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize