I'm really into asian looking animals
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
