I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
