he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
