4 words: hood of his car
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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