last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
40s are totally the cure
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
