wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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