Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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