I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
