I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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