her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
