you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
