I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
