Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
