i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
