Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
