his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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