I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
