It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
