You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
