ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
