Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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