I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I pour the whiskey from now on
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize