Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
