I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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