i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
