Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
