My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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