I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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