.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
