Can i not drive my cunt home
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Never let your siblings swipe right.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
