she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We got so high we made milksteak
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
