I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
