My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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