If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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