i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
