Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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