The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
