How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
