I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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