I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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