Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
