question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
