one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize