she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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