i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
