hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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