is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize