did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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