So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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