but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
