New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
