u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
